Toughing it out

I have a cold. I hate colds. They make me grumpy and extra opionionated. I have been sharing my opinions freely lately. Honesty is fine in theory. But in practice it definitely depends. My mom does not believe in honesty when it comes to how she feels, -sort of. She has always believed that if you deny the pain your denials will start to be true. She taught me that a "fake" smile" soon becomes real -and she was mostly right. It just isn't the whole truth because sometimes when you don't take care of the immediate little pain it grows in to one you can not ignore (but enough about child rearing ....ba da dum). She has hit that unable to ignore it point more and more of late. And then not only is the pain overwhelming but also her sense of shame because a strong enough person would ignore it. She never would have punished us for being complainers, she wasn't really unsympathetis to pain BUT it was always quite clear where virtue lay. The tough women in our family got up and kept going, taught themselves to walk again after polio, never cried when they cut their fingers off (well, only two and only the ends). That sort of thing. Some how my children all pride themselves on not crying (well not the 4 year old -he's pretty impressed at his own tears) and I'd swear it's not my doing. I got the guilt over the tears but I also got the tears (I'm thinking from my father's side). Even my sweet other half is a weeper (the tears flowed during the first 10 minutes of UP).

So what is my point? I honestly, honestly don't know. Maybe there is a difference betwen the truth and honesty. I can't see the answer -even with that supposedly 20/20 hindsight (stupid, stupid saying). We just have to rely on that stuff that covers a multitude of sins.

Caleb did get over his headache. The daughter on the ski trip naturally got snowed in and several father later driving all over the state she is home. Mom, obviouly has not gotten over her aches. Another MRI was schedlued for today but it turned out that getting a 91 year old out of the house at 6:30am, in the dark, and the cold, down a narrow icey path in the foot plus snow when she was totally miserable was beyond us. The next available appointment is a ful week from now. For the first time in many years we will not be having Christmas at her house because the trip would just be too much and there is not a good place for her to sleep on the first floor there. We will all be here. Complicated family politics ensue...

The picture is Jesse after playing in the snow -the actual snow picture wouldn't download for some reason. So here he is teaching his dad "Kor-rah tay". Where he got it we don't know.

Cooking tip -hey I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies using all this extra sugar stuff from a batch of caramel corm someone gave us in them (replacing not in addition to the called for sugar). Worked. Frugal, that's me.

Next blog, "Why doctors can't even spell team."

3, no 4, 5 ring circus?

This is escapist blogging. Jesse is listening to "Twas the night before Christmas" (talking bear, 75% off at CVS after some long ago holidays), mom is tucked up in a quilt watching the news, Caleb is sleeping under a comforter -on the upstairs hall floor because it is 10AM and he just had a grand mal seizure- while he was trying to watch Jesse for me -so I could put the finishing touches on a final exam so the students who misread the schedule and already bought their plane tickets could take it early -and before Jesse was due at the pediatrician for another shot so he can stay in preschool -and right after the college girl (ours that is) called looking for her Dad ("I need to talk to Dad," tends to send chills up my spine) -and now Jesse is crying on my lap explaining his orange peeling injury (I'll ignore the part about trying with a knife since there is no blood), and I am pretty sure I have completely lost control of this sentence.

Grand mal by the way means (pardon my French) "big bad" -rough but accurate translation. Caleb's big bad seizures last several minutes and he twists and doubles while I keep my hand on his back and pray nothing breaks. He always knows they are coming so he came out of his little brother's room to where he could lie down and call me (shout out). I called the department secretary (not 911) to be sure the exam had made it and apologize that it still needed a header while he was seizing. Jesse wanted to be with us. That was tricky -I have not attempted to explain seizures to him and usually some one else can keep him occupied. I did finally convince him to go "check on Grandma" -unfortunately she was in the bathroom so then I sat with Caleb listening to Jesse pound on the bathroom door shouting, "Open the doe-oar Gan-ma. I haf to check on you. Are you OK?"

At some point then between rescheduling appointments, and checking on the college girl (budget crisis), I was crying and hugging my mom and insisting she was not a burden as she claimed. -And then I feel those 4 year old arms come around me telling me not to cry and as he assured me, "You are not a burden, moomy, you are not a burden."

We did go to Bermuda. And this was just the day we got there. It is such along way from where we live. It just doesn't take that long to get there. And we waved at the Queen (Elizabeth II, of England, of course). She had a big dark pink hat to match her dress and I have just spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to post just one still from the video I have so you could see the big (dark) pink blur of her going by. We were only about 15 feet away and I had had some rum swizzle and I squealed alot so Elizabeth (II) was probably glad they kept going. It is embarassing how giddy I was, especially since I really thought I didn't care and was above that sort of thing. But on the other hand she's not just some celebrity. She's a woman with a mildly dysfunctional family and really odd taste in hats and I was sorry when I realized that because of my sunglasses we really didn't make actual eye contact.

So that's my funny story from our escape (other than the one about Bernie "laying down" the moped after we saw the Queen and my putting a product called "Afterbite" on the abrasion thinking it was antiseptic rather than the amonia it is). As the picture shows it was very escapist. An amazing little (little) bit of heaven for 3 unexpectedly dry and sunny days.

We came back from that little (little) bit of heaven to find the virus (I'd like to think it was swine flu) had incubated in myself and Caleb and was now ready to be seen and heard. Mine when onto my- is there a word for sinuses that doesn't sound so dweeby?, Caleb's to his lungs but not quite pneumonia so antibiotics all around (and some for my dear one's abrasions). In fact the dear one had to take my mom in for various scans as I was still hacking. And the scans showed another spinal break and therefore meant more doctor's to be seen and they tried putting cement around the break (I assume it is better than the stuff we used for the walk way pavers) and for a brief shining moment she wasn't an old lady -well not very old, certainly NOT 91. It seemed like she was one of the ones the doctor said have immediate relief and she didn't need the brace thing anymore (no more 3am calls to help her in and out of it!) and even her vision was better. Honestly she was reading street signs on the way home that several other members of my family could not read (and two of them are drivers), and sitting up straighter than I have seen for months and happy. And then we got home and she walked in and all the old pain came back. And she has shrunk up again and lif is gray and closing in on her. And if I just thought she was all worn out it wouldn't be so bad but I saw that few hours with no pain so I know who her enemy is. No, that's not it -I am just seeing another tool he has. As Christians we are supposed to be all about victory. That is the substance of things hoped for here.

Oh, and the graduate students I teach are complaining that I make them take notes and don't post everything in Powerpoint. They aren't all complaining (I'm pretty sure) but a few vocal ones did so to someone in the department and as I am as low on the totem pole as one can possibly be and happy students who will bring their friends along are preferred I have heard all about it. I know I can improve (please) in lecturing. And if not for the hotflashes during lectures or some family member admitted to a hospital right before class, or the four yr old so darned cute I hate to leave him, I'd be better focused -never the less, I like chalkboards and I am pretty convinced they are a brilliant learning tool. But grrrrr.... I will not rant about todays students, I will not rant, I will not rant. Well maybe later.

Thus no time even for self-indulgent blogging the last three weeks.

Cooking tip (your reward if you got this far): Amazing "guacamole" we had at a community event and have reconstructed it at home -it's easy and I swear this combination works. 1 mashed avocado, chopped mango -(canned Food Lion brand worked fine), and (here's they oh wow part) pomegranate seeds- enough of the fruits so that any spoonful has a few seeds with a little more mango, -then sprinkle in some salt, and a little lemon. Worked as a side with swordfish (which was not canned or from Food Lion). Also looks very spiffy.