Swinging

I haven't written because somehow the fretfulness kinda took over. Except when it didn't and then I wasn't in the mood. The pink t-shirt stain in the background is Merlot by the way. How did we go from all that snow to this?

So I am just giving a status report.

My baby is 5 -was he 5 last time I wrote anything here? I don't think so. 5 is so not a baby. Where did the time go etc etc etc.

Caleb finished his classes but he may or may not have passed or done well enough to stay enrolled and in any case, even as he finally started to put some effort into the classes it became clear he had only taken them because it was an option he didn't have to think about. Denial/repressing always was his emotional defense. It has served him well. He finally blurted out to us some thing along the lines of , "Why bother? I could go back in the hospital any day." True. So we'll go to Disney World.

My mom has also been feeling the futility motif of late. She vented a bit too much along those lines to her doctor and of course they said, "You must be SEEN." Silly doctors. That only made her feel more not less of all those various bad things. Pain medicine was what she neeeded. Maybe some wine. She is actually staying with my sister the last week and for the next month and I guiltily enjoy mornings with one less for breakfast and laundry -at the same time that I miss her.

And then there's me, not knowing still if I will be teaching next semester and making myself crazy trying to make all the students happy and love me, -trying to make everybody happy and love me. Isn't that what "caretaking" is all about? I swing from sure to not so sure about it all.

But I got my gray covered again. I may look more like a 5 year old's mom but of course that only makes having a 92 year old mother more confusing.