New Year's Resolution: Go to Hawaii. No Really...

These are 2 bald eagles in the pouring rain, right outside my bedroom window at Grandma's house for Christmas. What does this have to do with going to Hawaii? Absolutely nothing and it isn't even a good photo but it was really cool. Also I want to make it clear that Virginia has certain advantages and disadvantages this time of year.

This is the inside of Grandma's house at Christmas. I won't identify anyone but there were 13 other people who didn't even make it into this shot but were all in the same room. I will apologize for Grandma's cane being in front of her face. Otherwise it's perfect.

   Still Hawaii seemed like a good idea. Grandma is even prepared.

 OK, so it was irresistable to not get her to model the grass skirt and lei that we'd made are (also) long suffering daughter wear the night before during her graduation celebration (cake and congratulations) we squeezed into our annual Christmas carol sing along. I told my mom today when she was with my sister at the hospital that she has to live until we get back because we are going to photoshop her into the vacation pictures. She said OK.
 Tomorrow we pack and then spend the night with our conveniently located other parent and let her drive us to the airport. Too late now to organize even thoughts.

I haven't blogged in a long time because I was pretty well still emotionally paralyzed. No, it was that I had no time. Or maybe that it was too tiring to sit down and write in the morning and there was no time in the evening -or possibly the other way around. Perhaps it was the necessity of having rational thoughts to share - on the other hand that hasn't stopped me ...  On the other hand my recent discovery of the margarita sampler at Outback may have inspired me.
 On the (95 year old, mine) mom front my excuses seem to be the same as they were 40 years ago {she knows what buttons to push -mine have always been clearly labeled) or 40 weeks ago (pneumonia and a stint in rehab*). The facility is up near my sister since that's where she was when she got sick. All things considered (and it is a long list) she is doing amazingly well, at least when they keep the oxygen going and the pain meds current - then she even has a sense of humor. It's dark but it's there. My poor sister, one more week and grandma would have been back with me!
 On the being a terrible mom  (as opposed to daughter) front I finally got the eldest son to his orthopedist (only the one at the nearest Children's hospital deals with the CP but one must cross major bureaucratic hurdles to get a 28 year old in).  Seems his knee caps have been pulled right up above the actual joint -it looks creepy in the x-ray. Now we get to pursue newer and better orthotics.
 The youngest missed 4 days of school to find out he does NOT have pertussis. Since I figured a diagnosis couldn't make his cough any worse I was mildly dis- appointed since this would have made a great anecdote for the undergraduate epi class. Oh well, you can't win them all. I will keep my eye out for another I make work it in still.
* "rehab" really has a whole different meaning at her age! On the other hand when we said she had to go she did say "no. no. no."

Officially Untitled (But the picture explains)

 3 months since I last tried to put life in written word. My written words have been PowerPoints and emails - do they count?  But they were mostly to explain statistics, or jargon or why a grade really couldn't be rounded up 3 points to an A.  The last month my mom was with us was really the hardest time we've ever had with her. Everyone at the end of their ropes. And now she is gone... to her other daughter's. She turned 95 just a few weeks after the changing of the guard and this guard didn't even call. In fact now she is almost back with us again. Only 2 weeks left of a three month break and I am looking forward to her being back -in her own house with my daughter in charge for the next 5 weeks. So that gets me close to not hyperventilating when I think of the whole 24/7 caretaking thing again. One step at a time.
 As far as how Grandma is doing: well she got pneumonia a few weeks after leaving here and then spent another month in hospital/rehab in Maryland. We visited a little while she was in the hospital - when she was scared she'd never see us agin. That's the youngest running his fingers through her hair because he noticed her doing it and told me later he realized that was something he could do for her. If anyone should wonder about the impact on my kids of taking care of grandma here's the answer....  She is recovered enough now to back to where she was in the window of time between recovering from the broken pelvis and the pneumonia (with accompanying anemia, but that is truly another story). SHe didn't get any younger though. Neither did we.

All my ducks on a row

 So this is absolutely the best picture of the ducks near my mom's house I will ever take. I turned and clicked in their general direction as they landed on the river and then I said , "Well that won't turn out."  I kept taking pictures and I never even looked at this dirst shot until I put them on the computer. There is a lesson ther but it is way too abovious.
  It was beautiful weather and since my college girl had her rental we had her stay at the river a few extra days so Grandma could have more time in her own home. The cats were happy about it anyway. We left them with leftovers. Chinese fried rice. An hour after we got home I had to tell the granddaughter to call 911 after she gave the phone to Grandma who could barely talk and wasn't sure where anyone was but the itching was bad. The EMT guys called me and after some discussion of all her vitals being good etc decided they probably wouldn't take her in -they gave her more Benadryl. Next thing my girl is asking me what to take to the ER (which the paramedics had described to her as a "quick visit") -apparently in the 5 minutes after talking to me Grandma started to get worse. They made it back home by 3am. Pretty sure it was the Chinese fried rice. Somehow I'd never pictured old people developing strange allergies. Hives seems like a young person thing don't you think? Then it rained the next day when they drove back here.
  So my mom didn't get much of a treat at home. We didn't get much of a rest what with the phone calls and long distance crises and let's not even think about what kind of spring break this is for a college student. Oh and it's a rental because last week the other guy at the intersection in the sleety rain failed to yield but his insurance company has been pretty decent. The car was totaled but they will let her keep the rental over the entire spring break - and then we can try to get her another car with what a 1997 Saturn is worth!
  So the ducks are in a row but they aren't actually exactly mine.

One tough old cat

Well, I'm down to entries every 2 months -and this one only because I needed something to do while waiting for the cat to die. The other day my mother heard me tell someone it was time (for the cat) since all he does now is lie in the corner, get up to hobble a few feet, pee on the carpet and go back to lie in the corner. This naturally led to comparisons. I told her we were not going there. But I lied.

 When I took the cat to the vet 2 weeks ago he (the vet) assured me he (the cat) was not suffering (yet) and he (the vet) could support a decision to end it all then or take him (the cat) home. The prognosis was only for another 48 hours to 2 weeks. Then he (the vet again) tried to talk to me about his belief in "quality of life" for "people and animals." I looked him in the eye and said we were not going there.
  Three weeks ago (not that I'm counting) my mom was able to leave the rehab facility she had gone into for her broken pelvis 5 weeks earlier and come back to our house. Thankfully this meant no more constant guilt over not visiting enough, no more trying to time those visits to see the right person at the right time to get the right story -since her stories were not always right. Between her aging brain, pain meds and who knows what else the short term memory is definitely going. She often doesn't remember why she was at the rehab facilty - in fact one day she asked if it was because she'd peed on the floor here. So you can see the cat connection. 
 Meanwhile there's the 7 year old and the first born with the multiple handicaps further complicating the whole thing . By complicating I mean helping. Really. The former entertains Grandma and the latter helps out when I work (for money that is, in case you think I'm not working the rest of the time). The other 2 offspring mostly call in to check on the cat.
Also there's the husband who actually shoulders all of the coffee making and pill distributing and also the weight of the world when all I want him to do is rub my feet. This leads to yelling sometimes but for no apparent purpose on either side.
  On the other hand they do all need care and feeding too and if you haven't noticed I am only barely hanging on. Let's not forget I took on additional teaching responsibilities being a) flattered to be asked and b) greedy. Also quite possibly c) insane. Can you see this brain explaining discrete distributions? Not really. That will start this week and meanwhile I can't remember why I'm in this rehab facility either. (That was a joke, I am at home. Watching the cat breath.)