Seize the Day

I hate seizures. I understand why some cultures still think it is a sign of being possessed. Certainly My eldest does not own himself when it comes. It's not like seeing him ill, or asleep, or unconscious. It is such a completely "other" thing. The first time (when he was 9 or 10?) he had a grand mal seizure it was utterly terrifying. He had had seizures before but they were more like passing out -and there had only been a few we even recognized as seizures. He'd been on medication for those since he was 3 I guess. I was distressed (to be kind) that another malady was being added to the list and a helpful young doctor pulled me aside and asked, "He was 15 weeks premature, what did you expect?" How silly of me.

When he started having the "break -thru" seizures years later we soon realized that the spinning lights he reported were his aura and a blessing. Those lights mean he has time to get some where safe -or at least shut down his computer (that tends to be his priority) and call for us. Last week when we both bolted up in bed to that cry we know so well for "mom!" or "dad!" -well it was "dad" so I contributed by looking at the clock so I could time it. When the gagging sounds stopped it had been 3 minutes and I went back to sleep. That's how devoted I am.

In the fall (or was it the spring?) one day when he knew a seizure was coming he also knew we weren't home so he stayed in his room. Bad choice, sharp edged furniture. Fortunately son #2 was home but it was bloody mess be the time he went to check out what the thumping noise was. Naturally we were al over the map that day. In fact I can't remember exactly where everyone was but eventually we all met in the ER for the stitches. Maybe I already shared this. Can you tell it is all blurring together?

The thing is the seizures used to be about every 6 weeks. Never more and rarely less. Almost always in the evening. Pretty convenient. But not the last 6 (or 8?) months. Now we've had them 2 weeks in a row, morning, evening, here and there. The 5 year old has seen his share. One on Thanksgiving and one on Christmas morning between the stockings and opening the Christmas presents. In the middle of all that wrapping paper, all the nephews on my side with us. I naturally tried to keep it light and cheerful. Don't worry about the twitching and the flailing just look at these lovely gifts- I'll get back to making breakfast in, oh about 3 minutes.

September shadows

This was the day before my baby went to kindergarten. I was ready though. I had my gray covered and highlites. I'd planned on losing weight too but well... I'd just have to do with the young hair. Orientation we meet the teacher. She is way young. It will be fun to surprise her with how old we really are, our "been there done that" moments. Then we read her little biographical introduction and it says she graduated from the local high school. That's right. With my first baby. I could have left the gray showing - she pretty much knows I'm old enough to be her mom.

By January I'm over the teacher being the same age as my eldest but I had this horrible shock helping make the MLK mobiles (don't ask) a few weeks ago. There's the year he died -1968. I remember the day. We were told at school. It was scary and then the riots in DC had all the parents in the suburbs hunkered down and being careful where we went. I knew I was the only parent of any child in that class who not only was alive when it happened but old enough for some (dim) memories. I know I'm not the oldest mom of a 5 year old in the world, certainly not the oldest parent. But trust me, in a random sample of say n=30, and in this neck of the woods, chances of finding anyone else even close is slim slim slim. And once again it didn't matter if I covered the gray or not. It's there.

A funny thing happened on my way to blog...

I had this idea I was going to start blogging regularly -just for myself of course. And I would share what was happening in my generationally challenged household -just for myself of course. Every week I would update our ER visit status, the seizure status, the lost meds status -just for myself of course. No one else need read it. I would wrtie just for myself.

And then I went to the beach a few more times, and out in the boat (if you have a boat that is "the boat", the only boat, the place your money goes (if there was any after the college educations, the car repairs and home maintenance)). Somehow though, every time I sat down to "blog" I'd look up some old movie plot or check for sales on my favorite china or favorite author on Amazon instead. Then I'd be too tired. Certainly too tired to update myself on my life.

And 6 months went by with nary a blog, not a jot, nada. I missed it. I knew it helped me. Even a few (kind) friends said they missed it. So the obvious truth is I may want to write for myself but having convinced myself that I am writing just for myself didn't leave me with much motivation. Nope, none. Hubris or not that's the truth. So I'll write to whoever is reading and not pretend I'm not hoping someone is -because really it is pretty silly when it comes down to it to pretend that. But the reason I have this desire to speak my mind, well that's just for myself because after all this is a blog.