This frog is sideways. I don't know why but I re-uploaded it 3 times and every time it gets turned sideways. But that seems appropriate, Today, after (minimal details) 24 hours of some sort of icky (technical term) virus, I checked email and there was the Summer and Fall schedule of classes and I am not there. I had small hopes for the Summer but I had expected a Fall class. I didn't teach last Fall but I'd been hoping that was a fluke. I'd even tried to ask at the time if this was a sign of a new pattern and was told probably not. Or something admittedly vague but to which I could still pin some hope.And here's the thing. I am 51. I do not look impressive as an academic on paper. Or is that as a paper academic? All of this doing things late in life sounds very cool but now instead of a biological clock ticking in my ear it is an academic clock. When will I get something published? Will I ever be more than limited-part-time-adjunct-we'll-call-you-if-we-need-you-not-quite-faculty-technically-professorial-lecturer? And I am so over working for nothing with the idea that someday it will pay off because my somedays are shrinking.
And then when I am still a bit dizzy I have to check my mom's bag (I mean pouch) because she's worried the wafer against her skin needs changing. I decided it didn't. And I was deeply, deeply grateful that it did not. It was like a little miracle that I could just say not today.
And I could go back to obsessing over my lack of academic future and trying to figure out what I should do now. If you are reading this blog and you need an old but new epidemiologist please call. Of course because of the 1st grader (hanging on my arm at this very moment) and the various crutches and canes all over my house I'd prefer to work from home (do not ask me why). Just call.
Also I do frog rescue. This one was chirping for several nights in the bottom of a planter in my mom's room. I put it out near our little tadpole filled garden pond. I hope it is happy now and not sideways.
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