Me under a big tree

 Can you see me under there?
What is that saying about being lost in the forest and missing the trees -or is it missing the forest because of the trees? My trees and forests are all mixed up.
  Grandma is better but not ... well, better. She's "grandma" now so much more than my mom -except when she notices the waffles are soggy because I forgot the oil (cooking tip...).
  The eldest has moved to the basement -now he will have more room but it feels as if I have admitted he is not going any where else. I have not admitted this. I only fear it when I can not sleep. Will he be the weird guy (or is he already?) living in the basement? When did it stop being right to  mother him? How do I not?
  My daughter feels inadequate and unlikable and I'm afraid I have bequeathed her all my self-doubt and then some. I haven't been supportive enough, I am too critical... nothing new here. She still wants a mom and she does not want a mom. We are so the same.
 And all day long the 7 year old can keep up a sing song "you're the bestest mommy in the world." until I am pretty much ready to let him play his video game as much as he wants if he'll just be a little quiet. I can not bare to think of when these days are gone.
    The other research assistant has never learned to use quotation marks so I have spent a week trying to sort through a literature summary that is mostly quotes but I can't tell where they begin or end. I can think of nothing cute to add.
 It is hot. I am not so heat tolerant.


...but it is shady under the tree. And lost in the forest at least it is a little cooler.