09-09-09 (I like it I admit)

This is a sad picture because it is several years old and I have no morning glories today. They just didn't make it. I have no idea why. That's not like heavenly blues. The moon vines did make it but they look lonely and on such a gray day I wasn't at all surprised they closed as soon as the day began. It is what they always do. It is their nature but today one could hardly blame them. My mother spent the day feeling guilty for not spending more money on our teeth when we were younger (she tended to go for European trips over orthodontia). I told her that was discouraging. I can (just barely) handle the thought of my body falling further apart but not that besides still always wanting to impress the guys I will also never escape mothering guilt. Maybe Alzheimers is not as bad as we imagine. I mean it would be rough on everyone else but how could I worry over what I did or didn't do if I don't remember it? Or would I worry even more then? Did I mention it was gray all day? Or maybe it was sunny but I was staring at the computer trying to make a simple program work -who knows. It was gray by the time I looked up and I realized I had no friends and I was not so cute anymore, and I am pushing 50 (as hard as I can), and the house is untidy and nothing is quite where it should be and... if the sun comes out tomorrow I will be as giddy as ever all over again. It's embarrassing at my age.