Tha was almost 5 years ago. A little less so it must have been a later spring because those daffodils are all out right now. You can see Jesse wasn't really into the flowers then either. Today he just wanted to prune things. He pruned the big new green ball -and then it became my ball -which he was very sorry he had flattened.

Five years ago today I was finally up and moving (too much), so glad to be released from bed-rest it went to my head. I'd like that feeling back. Instead here I sit trying not to worry about if I'll still be teaching next fall. I decided not to worry about student evaluations anymore -so of course last night I stared out at them and stumbled over simple phrases because I was thinking, "Does that one look bored?, Was that a smirk? Oh good a head nod. My dozer is awake tonight. What did I just say?" I don't think I was as bad as that might sound- and I had very attractive PPt slides -some even had stick figure illustrations! All and all if I were 8 inches taller and bearded (and a male if I'm going for the facial hair) it would have been a fine lecture by a slightly (ever so slightly) absent minded professor. There is such a short distance between coming off as a little bit eccentric genius or a possibly incompetent, frazzled amateur -but I'm telling you it is surprisingly often measured in vertical inches (and if you are snickering right now that's the point). So I did still worry but today I am better. A faculty member (in charge of teaching assignments) is going to come in to observe me (my request but possibly already planned) so at least one evaluation will not be anonymous. And some nights I don't fumble and I'm pretty good - it's up to God if it's one of those nights or not. I just show up.

On the care taking front nobody is in the hospital. (but I'm not asking Caleb how he's doing in his classes -I don't want to know). I think it was a year ago this week that we started the shunt adventures. I think it is part of my general state of anxiety. He's made it alomst a year . When we have gone a full year since his discharge that will be good. It's silly. It's not rational. It's not medically meaningful. But I have been on edge the last 2 months partly wanting to get past April. And Mom turns 92. But first Jesse has to turn 5 and we have to have a bike parade/party and I have to make a cake. Or buy a cake. Or make a cake. Or buy one... or